India Daily Leaks Extraterrestrial Technologies Under Research

From the India Daily newspaper (online edition), 9 July 2005:

Reverse engineering quark accelerating high mass bunker busting precision bombs from extraterrestrial UFOs How do extraterrestrial UFOs penetrate earth’s crust to build bases under the tectonic plates? How do they enter the earth’s crust so quietly without massive effects on the surface of the earth?

And there’s this one from the same source, on the same date:

Creation of “negative” mass is the key to success for advanced alien and future human civilizations The word may sound weird to conventional physicists but that is the key if future human civilization is to compete with that of the advanced aliens. All the dilemma of physical universe can be brought under control once we learn the concept of artificially converting masses into “negative masses”.

The alien civilizations perform these mass conversions all the time. Becoming net-net mass less provides the key to the further technological advancement of our civilization.

Bewilderdly scratching your head and asking what the hell? Well, so am I.

The article is in the Technology section of an Indian newspaper, so I find myself wondering if it’s a cultural thing: Most of the world takes itself far less seriously than does the United States. Perhaps humorous articles beside factual articles are par for the course in India. Perhaps its an infotainment thing.

The first article actually wraps up with a plausible point, hinting that the entire yarn was an entertaining means of expressing a far out but legitimate technology currently under research for terrestrial and current day needs.

With the second article, however, the point is less clear. Is the India Daily seriously discussing “negative mass” (better known as anti-matter) as an emerging technology? Yes, quarks, subatomic particles within the nucleus of atoms, would be the key to anti-matter production, but are we there yet? Physicists are still trying to understand quarks; are they already at the point of factoring their use into interstellar travel?

Or is the India Times just having a little fun?